So this weekend is rapidly approaching – the weekend where they show my video testimony about my struggle with depression to the entire church – about 1,500 adults. (You can read more about that here and here.)
Since we shot the video on August 9th I have been waiting anxiously to view it. The night we shot I didn’t even look at any of the footage and it was rather frightening knowing that my story was entirely in the hands of someone else who would hopefully make it look good.
Monday I got a call saying they had a rough draft of the video done and I could watch it. I had Jen, Brooke and Vavella over at my house for scrapbooking so we all kind of gathered around the computer to watch – me in the chair, the 3 of them standing behind me. At one point I looked over to grab a Kleenex and the box was gone – turns out the girls were already passing them out.
Dana did an AWESOME job with the video editing. They are making a few minor tweaks. About 5 min. of my story will be shown right before the message, then the "end/healing" portion after Greg talks.
The reaction from the select few that have seen the video has been interesting. I guess having to write my testimony helped me articulate a lot of things that I was never able to put in words during the actual journey through depression, or even shortly after. So even those closest to me have been surprised by some of the things I think.
Then there are some who have expressed guilt that they were not more supportive during that time, or that they didn’t know how bad it was.
I’ve just had to tell them – that’s not your fault – it’s mine for not telling you. I think that is one of the hugest things about depression – it’s like a dirty secret – especially among Christians.
I found a statistic yesterday that said that 54% of people see depression as a sign of personal weakness. How telling is that???? The people suffering from depression are afraid to talk about what their feeling because they are afraid of what people will think. Or in my case, just fear in admitting that I could not fix this on my own, or control it. (I’ve never been one to care what people think.)
Hopefully my testimony will help others who are suffering silently to start talking about it and get help.
I will be posting the video testimony sometime next week.