Number 7 of “30 Things I Know About Adoption.”

When people ask what the hardest part of adoption is, most families will answer, “THE WAITING!”

And they will probably nearly yell it at you.

For some the waiting starts before the adoption as they wait for a spouse to get on board with the idea.

You scurry around, fill out MOUNDS of paperwork and then? Well then you wait.

You wait for a birth mother to select you. You wait for an agency to match you with a child (the referral).

It’s a process that can take months, or even years. The narrower your adoption criteria (age, sex, health) the longer the wait.

Then the magical day comes when you get THE CALL! Tears of joy, exciting announcements, near hysteria.

Then you wait some more. Waiting for delivery, waiting for court, waiting for travel.

We bypassed the first waiting period by adopting our kids from a waiting children list. So nearly all our adoption process we had two specific faces in our minds while we were waiting.

It was excruciating. And, as we’ll talk about tomorrow, nothing EVER goes as planned. We thought we’d have them home in 6-9 months. It was 12. That’s relatively short, and I still lost my mind.

I don’t know one adoptive mom that hasn’t had an emotional melt down at some point in the process. I don’t think it’s possible.

But, it’s kind of like childbirth. No matter how painful and scary (and mine were both), the hard parts get glazed over once you have that child in your arms.

When your child is finally home in your family, the wait will become a distant memory.

In the mean time, look at it as a growth process.

Don’t you hate it when people say stuff like that? 🙂

Remember that you are not waiting alone…

Isaiah 40:28-31 (The Message)

Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening?
God doesn’t come and go. God lasts.
He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don’t get tired,
they walk and don’t lag behind.

Since November is National Adoption Month I’m writing a daily series on “30 Things I Know About Adoption.”

Paper Pregnant…

It’s a term adoptive parents use to define their status. You’re getting ready to welcome a child into your family. The difference is that the 30 pounds isn’t being carried on mom’s body, it’s how much your stack of paperwork weighs.

It can be overwhelming – birth certificates, physical exams, biographies, home studies, fingerprints, pet shot records.

My best advice?

1. Take a deep breath.

2. Get organized.

There’s lots of different methods to organize your paperwork. I tried a couple different things, but here’s what seemed to work best for me. (I say “me” rather than “us” because let’s face it. 9 times out of 10 mom’s doing all the gathering, right? Or is that just me?)

1. Purchase a 3″ 3-ring binder, a package of dividers and a box of page protectors.
2. Label dividers for Home Study, Dossier, Financials, Agency Paperwork (other than what goes in the Dossier), Government Paperwork (international adoption decree, USCIS stuff), and Post Placement (for post placement reports). If you are doing an open domestic adoption, add a tab for birth family communication.
3. Put several page protectors behind each divider. You won’t want to 3-hole punch documents going into your home study or dossier so just slip them in page protectors.
4. Create a checklist of documents you need. I divided mine into two sections for Home Study and Dossier. Note that you will need some of the same documents for both. For example, when getting birth certificates and marriage licenses, go ahead and get at least 3 copies. Print the checklist and put it at the very front of the binder.
5. Put a copy of your agency fees and deadlines in the Financial section.
6. Start with the items you need for your Home Study and just work through the checklist, taking it one thing at a time. When you get a document you need, slip it into a page protector.

If you have a scanner, you may want to also scan copies of all the documents you get. I use Evernote to store all my digital scans.

Before you submit anything to your home study or adoption agency, make copies and put them in your binder.

Save ALL your receipts. You’ll need them when it’s time to file for the adoption tax credit.

Here’s a couple great blog posts with more ideas for organizing everything you need.
Staying Organized During an Adoption
Organizing the Mountain of Adoption Paperwork
Organizing Adoption Paperwork

Since November is National Adoption Month I’m writing a daily series on “30 Things I Know About Adoption.”

Yesterday we talked about the people that think you’re crazy when you announce you’re going to adopt.

In the beginning you meet those reactions with all smiles and hope and happiness.

But at some point in the adoption process you stop and realize, “HOLY CRAP, I think they were right!!!”

The doubt will creep in.

What are we doing?

Our life is totally going to change!

This is costing us a fortune.

What if the kid hates us?

What if our bio kids hate us for doing this?

How am I going to manage four kids when some days I can barely manage two?

That last one was the one that got to me. Over and over. Every time we had a rough parenting day (and there are quite a few), I’d wonder what on earth possessed me to think I could effectively parent four kids. And help two of them navigate all of the issues inherent with adoption and grief.

But I finally realized a few things:

• Every parent wonders if they’re doing a good enough job whether they have adopted kids or not. Parenting is the toughest thing you’ll ever do, and definitely the hardest.
• Satan was having a heyday with my doubts and insecurities. Wouldn’t he love to convince us that we can’t handle adoption. Wouldn’t he love to see more children without the love and security of a family – easy prey for him.
• I can’t do it. At least not alone. Maybe I needed to be reminded of that. That I am not in this alone. Not only do I have an amazing parenting partner in my husband. But I have Christ. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

Are you crazy?

Quite possibly yes.

But God asks his followers to do some CRAZY things! Build a giant ark, sacrifice a son, part the Red Sea… I mean, really, how crazy does adoption sound after that???

After yesterday’s post, my friend Tracie Loux shared the post on Facebook and added, “I collect crazy people!!”

At least we’re all in the crazy boat together, right 🙂

You totally got this.

And God’s got you!!