Julie Gumm - Author

Conference Reflections Day 1

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I find myself really at a loss for words as to how to describe the last 3 days. I have cried abundant tears and laughed until my sides hurt. I have been angered, saddened and encouraged all at the same time. To say the Together for Adoption Conference was a roller coaster of emotions would be an understatement.

But the ride was amongst an AMAZING community. Hundreds of people indescribably passionate about the orphan. While we are fortunate to have friends and family who understand our passion and support us I know there were many at T4A who spend most of their time feeling alienated because of their strong passion. How amazing for us all to come together and support and encourage one another.

Worship with this group was goose bump-inducing. The Holy Spirit was there – fully present – as Aaron Ivey led us to the throne in worship so many times during the two days. I will totally cop to crying – like full on, can’t-sing-a-word UGLY crying! It was beautiful (the worship, NOT my face). And I know I wasn’t the only one. Thank you Aaron and band!

I have so many thoughts to share from the conference that I know it will probably be several posts worth.

Today I’m going to camp on this one.

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.”
Psalms 68:5

The verse is not a new revelation. In fact as an orphan community it’s one of our favorites. But on Saturday Robert Gelanis of Colorado Community Church said something that made so many of us go “Wow!”

If God is father to the fatherless then that means he is a husband.

Who is his bride?

The church.

That means the church is the mother of the fatherless.

Of course we know that as a church we need to be caring for the orphan, no one was clueless on that. But to put it in that perspective was like a light bulb going on.

God is not father to SOME of the fatherless. He is a father to all of them.

So how, as the church, are we going to become a mother to ALL of them.

Not some. All.

Brain overload! Together for Adoption

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Um yeah, I’m not even sure where to really start. I spent 8 hours today drinking from a firehose – a wealth of information on parenting kids from hard places from Dr. Karyn Purvis as well as Michael & Amy Monroe.

You know what I realized?

Wow, we’ve really screwed up.

And hey, we’ve got some stuff right.

Interestingly while I’ve seen a lot of strategies for Beza and Luke I really think it’s our parenting of Noah (our 11 year old bio son) that needs it the most. While you wouldn’t say he is “from a hard place” he suffers many of the same issues as adopted children – ADHD, sensory issues, anxiety. All very interesting to me and of course I wonder hm, where did I mess him up 🙂

I took a ton of notes and at the end of the conference I will put together my cryptic typings and post them for those that want them and feel inclined to try to make sense of them.

But for now a few key highlights

  • There is NO child that cannot come to dramatic healing
  • While we are looking for tools to treat the behaviors, the MOST important thing is the relationship
  • If a child has not gotten it (i.e. love, respect, etc), they cannot give it
  • There is no shelf life to compassion. You can’t say “But they’ve been home 2 years…”
  • Many parents don’t understand that their behaviors caused by THEIR past cause barriers to their relationship w/ the child
  • Attachment is not a feeling it is a “dance” – it is a relationship
  • It has to be us AND the child VS their history (not us against the child)
  • We need to come to our kids with double vision – our perspective and theirs
  • We need to learn how to give “yes” moments from “no” behaviors (give them something to say yes to that will stop the negative behavior)
  • We should be saying “yes” 7 times for every one time we have to say “no”
  • Zero tolerance for disrespect and aggressive behaviors but if we use punitive strategies we will spiral the behavior further downward
  • Your goal is to connect with the child is such a way that they come alongside you, “hook arms” so to speak and you can then guide them through life.
  • When the child knows it’s all about relationship instead of behavior you will be successful

WHEW!

Of course it’s not all work and no fun! Had a great diner with Angel and my 2 new friends – Lorraine Patterson and Amy Block. We talked, ate, talked some more (okay, a LOT more).

Lorraine, Amy, Me (not sure why I look freaked out) and Angel

Then we went back to the hotel and soaked in the hot tub – talked some more. Changed into our pj’s, talked some more. Got Mary Ostyn to come hang out with us and talked some more.

And now it’s 1 a.m. and I am done for the day 🙂

Miscellaneous Monday

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I know Monday is almost over but I’ve been gathering little tidbits here and there and thought I would share some recent great blog posts I’ve read.