Julie Gumm - Author

The Complaint Department

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I can’t think of a single parent that doesn’t hate tattletelling.

With four kids, refereeing can seem like a full time occupation – one I am not interested in having.

We’ve always tried to stress the “try to solve it yourself” method with our kids. At first it was because it made our lives easier and it’s a skill they need to learn. But it dawned on me when Noah was about 5 that this was the biblical model of conflict resolution us adults are taught.

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. Matthew 18:15-16

So in our house the rule is you have to talk to that person first. If they won’t listen, apologize, etc then you can involve a parent. There is still a moderate amount of tattletelling that goes on. Mostly because someone will be doing something annoying and the other sibling will say “stop” and the first child keeps doing it and so the second child yells “Maaaawwwwmmmmm” all within a span of about 30 seconds.

Not exactly what I was talking about.

But the other day I was thumbing through the Thriving Family magazine from Focus on the Family and stumbled on someone’s GENIUS idea!

She makes her kids file a WRITTEN complaint. Only then will she review it. She said that most of the time when they’re reminded of the policy they decide it’s not worth it. The blurb didn’t go into too much detail about what she requires on her kid’s complaint but I was already drafting a form in my head and doing that slightly evil, yet motherly, “I’ve got you now my pretties” laugh.

It’s not done yet but it’s going to include the following.

Your name______________________________

My conflict is with _________________________

He/she __________________________________ (what is conflict)

I did ______________________________________ (cuz it’s never just one persons fault)

I tried to resolve the conflict by ________________________________________

What I want to happen to resolve the conflict is _________________________________

I AM MOM, HEAR ME ROAR!!!

Poofy Skirt Christmas

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For months Beza has been talking about “the poofy skirt”. Her friend Brooke has a poofy skirt – multiple ones actually – and as soon as I mentioned the word Christmas she would exclaim “I want a poofy skirt!”

When you Google “poofy skirt” you get images that bring to mind Grease and I Love Lucy. Not what either of us had in mind.

Shortly before Christmas Beza dragged me over to Brooke’s mom with a look on her face that said “What else do I have to do woman? Find out where she gets the poofy skirt!”

Finally, armed with the correct terminology – “pettiskirt” – I was in a much better position. And then she mentioned Costco. Brillant!

My parents were still looking for gift ideas so I passed it on to them. A few days later they called from Costco to say the biggest size they had was a 7/8. Um, yeah, I didn’t think that was going to work. So they got her something else.

That left me to hunt. I poked around online at various stores and etsy.com (I could get lost in that site for hours.). I came to the realization that it is difficult to find a pettiskirt for anyone over the age of 4 that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg.

I finally found one on ebay. Ordered it and it came super quick a few days before Christmas. Only I obviously wasn’t paying attention to the listing that clearly stated the skirt was 15″ long which, on Beza, is mid thigh. Oops!! At this point I figured the poofy skirt was NOT going to be making an appearance under the Christmas tree.

Beza would be poofy-less and very disappointed.

Then one night we were at Costco with the kids and, of course, laid out before us was the giant table of poofy skirts. Beza’s eyes lit up as I examined the size 7/8 skirt and leggings. I knew the leggings wouldn’t fit, but when she slipped the skirt over her jeans it fit nicely. Pure bliss!

As we continued through the store Mark and I whispered back and forth about getting it then, trying to come back etc. I wanted it to be a surprise, but it seemed like a waste of gas to come all the way back. Still undecided we headed to the snack bar for cheap family dinner of pizza. Noticing that Natalie and Beza had their backs to the exit path I surmised that maybe I could purchase the poofy skirt, slip outside and hide it in the van, and then come back in.

So I excused myself to go to the bathroom (hee, hee), got the skirt and went to the cashier on the far end where I could hide from the family, although it did require me to keep ducking behind the guy in front of me who definitely thought I had drank a bit too much eggnog or something.

Before I could check out Mark called and said they were done and he was taking the kids to the van. This helped with the sneaking past part but how was I going to get the skirt into the van without her noticing? They don’t even give you bags. The cashier suggested my purse. Of course any other night I would have been carrying my huge hobo-style purse which can hold a small infant (not that I do that). But no, I had a small purse. But I was determined and I rearranged items until I could stuff the big poofy skirt into about 6 square inches of empty space.

Under the cover of darkness I got into the van. From behind me I heard Natalie whisper “She doesn’t have anything with her. She didn’t get it.”

I tried not to smile too triumphantly 🙂

Christmas morning was complete when she finally opened her poofy skirt!